Recently, I've been feeling somewhat frustrated that I've been holding myself back from seeking God like I should be. This frustration came at me full-force Tuesday night, so I made a decision that come Wednesday's chapel at school, I would worship with everything that I had.
One of the songs we sang was "How He Loves" by the David Crowder Band. To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of this song as a worship song. It doesn't feel like direct worship; it feels like I'm talking to someone else about God, as opposed to talking TO God. However, I closed my eyes and tried to soak in the fact that God loves me, and as I sang the line "drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes," I felt completely overwhelmed with His love. I could see the face of Jesus, and His eyes were swimming with the love and grace that He extends towards me, towards all of us. I can't describe how His eyes looked in my mind. But the next line says, "If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking." And I felt a tangible presence on me, like it was pushing me down, sinking me into that grace and love.
I stayed on my feet, but when I opened my eyes, I felt like God wanted to use this time in chapel to tell ALL the students how much He loved them, to drown all of them in His grace. Sometimes, I truly doubt that I'm hearing from God, so I stayed where I was for a minute, but then I felt Him say, "Trust what you hear," which is a lesson He's been teaching me for the past few months. So I walked over to my principal and told him what I thought God was saying about showing His love to kids who had never truly felt it before. After I delivered the word to him, we watched an Easter video, took an offering, and then returned to our seats, so it felt a little like the moment had passed.
As I sat down, I sent a text to Deedra (who wasn't in the chapel service) that said, "There is such a heavy anointing for God's love to touch dry hearts." I felt jittery and excited, like I often feel when God is about to move. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be the one who ushered it in or if I was supposed to wait on someone else. But the moment wasn't quite there, so I settled back to listen to our speaker.
Pastor Ednorleatha Long, a woman who walks in the prophetic and has a beautiful heart after God, delivered the message to our students. As she began speaking, I realized that she was aware of the same anointing. Her message was all about God's grace and love pouring out like rivers over our dry and stopped-up hearts. Wow! What a confirmation to me that I had heard the Lord clearly! She prayed this message over the students, and as we moved back to a place of worship, students began drifting away to pray. Some prayed by themselves, some with a friend, and some with a teacher or Pastor Long.
Her message would not have changed if I had not had that word. Nothing about yesterday happened because God had spoken to me. I believe He spoke to me as a confirmation of His love over my own dry heart. What an amazing God we serve, that He would care enough to use moments like that to pour out His grace!