Thursday, March 21, 2013

Drowning in Grace

Recently, I've been feeling somewhat frustrated that I've been holding myself back from seeking God like I should be. This frustration came at me full-force Tuesday night, so I made a decision that come Wednesday's chapel at school, I would worship with everything that I had.

One of the songs we sang was "How He Loves" by the David Crowder Band. To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of this song as a worship song. It doesn't feel like direct worship; it feels like I'm talking to someone else about God, as opposed to talking TO God. However, I closed my eyes and tried to soak in the fact that God loves me, and as I sang the line "drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes," I felt completely overwhelmed with His love. I could see the face of Jesus, and His eyes were swimming with the love and grace that He extends towards me, towards all of us. I can't describe how His eyes looked in my mind. But the next line says, "If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking." And I felt a tangible presence on me, like it was pushing me down, sinking me into that grace and love.

I stayed on my feet, but when I opened my eyes, I felt like God wanted to use this time in chapel to tell ALL the students how much He loved them, to drown all of them in His grace. Sometimes, I truly doubt that I'm hearing from God, so I stayed where I was for a minute, but then I felt Him say, "Trust what you hear," which is a lesson He's been teaching me for the past few months. So I walked over to my principal and told him what I thought God was saying about showing His love to kids who had never truly felt it before. After I delivered the word to him, we watched an Easter video, took an offering, and then returned to our seats, so it felt a little like the moment had passed.

As I sat down, I sent a text to Deedra (who wasn't in the chapel service) that said, "There is such a heavy anointing for God's love to touch dry hearts." I felt jittery and excited, like I often feel when God is about to move. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be the one who ushered it in or if I was supposed to wait on someone else. But the moment wasn't quite there, so I settled back to listen to our speaker.

Pastor Ednorleatha Long, a woman who walks in the prophetic and has a beautiful heart after God, delivered the message to our students. As she began speaking, I realized that she was aware of the same anointing. Her message was all about God's grace and love pouring out like rivers over our dry and stopped-up hearts. Wow! What a confirmation to me that I had heard the Lord clearly! She prayed this message over the students, and as we moved back to a place of worship, students began drifting away to pray. Some prayed by themselves, some with a friend, and some with a teacher or Pastor Long.

After that, as Mr. Lane closed out the service, he called me up to pray, which made total sense, because I sensed that I would speak at some point. I don't even remember what I prayed, because the Holy Spirit was speaking through me at that moment. I turned my own brain off and let Him lead. When everyone was leaving, I walked straight to Pastor Long, and she grabbed me in a hug. Mr. Lane said, "This is who gave me that word right before you spoke." And Pastor Long laughed and said that she knew it was the Lord, because He had given her the same word, and that I had prayed out exactly what God had laid on her heart.

Her message would not have changed if I had not had that word. Nothing about yesterday happened because God had spoken to me. I believe He spoke to me as a confirmation of His love over my own dry heart. What an amazing God we serve, that He would care enough to use moments like that to pour out His grace!

No comments:

Post a Comment