Almost a year ago (fine, it was March 10, but who’s keeping track?), I
received a rejection letter from Thomas Nelson publishers telling me that I had
not made it into Jen Hatmaker’s For the Love launch team.
If you’re new here, I’m a little obsessed with Jen Hatmaker. Hashtag
understatement. Maybe two years ago I convinced my friend to drive me to
Wichita and stay at a stranger’s house so that I could go to a JHat conference.
Maybe I screenshot every time Jen retweets me. It’s fine.
The first time I met Jen (but not the last) Wichita, 2014 |
I was rejected from her launch
team. And the friend who only knew about her because I made her drive me to
Wichita? She got in. (I made her apply, so I ain’t even mad about it.)
But the rejection hurt more than it should have. It hit the deepest
levels of pain in me, and I sobbed. Like, sitting on the edge of my bed, hair
in my face, clutching my blanket, sobbed. Over a rejection email that was sent
to 4500 women (at random) because Jen is uber popular and 5000 people applied
for 500 spots.
Maybe that pain was about more
than not getting an advanced copy of a book.
In a Twitterstorm of activity
following all the emails, I saw a tweet that referred to those of us who didn’t
make it as #the4500. That hashtag took off, and a group was formed on Facebook
for all of us who still wanted to support Jen’s launch.
I reluctantly joined this group,
still upset but ready to see what this new group would be about. I’ve been in
large Facebook groups from the onset before, and I knew it would take several
weeks for the chaos of introductions and remembering people’s names to settle
down. Instead of trying to wade through the confusion of a brand-new group, I
decided to get real with the girls in #the4500. I began asking questions of the
women that required them to be vulnerable and honest with themselves.
Eventually, our threads began clouding up the newsfeed, so I moved a
bunch of us to a new group where we could get down and deep with each other. It
was amazing to see the raw, open stories of some of these women. The very
nature of social media is to put up a veneer, yet we chose to strip it off and
get real with each other.
God began moving.
Because of the willingness of
these women to be authentic and bare, we began to see healing. Women shed
long-time insecurities and gained new confidence. The women began fiercely
praying for each other’s marriages and families. Lifelong friendships formed.
But I stayed in the background
of my own group.
You see, I was still dealing
with the pain of rejection. The pain of feeling like I wasn’t wanted by Jen or
her publishers in the “real” group. And I realized that I was also finally
coming to grips with some rejection issues I had pushed aside in my real life.
I was down. I don’t know another
way to put it. I wasn’t depressed, but I couldn’t lift my head. It didn’t feel
like a familiar battle. I told a friend that I felt like I was standing on the edge
of something, and I could either jump to what God had, or I was going to fall
into something I wouldn’t be able to get out of. She looked me in the eyes and
told me a whole lot of hard things. She said it was time that I acknowledged my
healing. She said that God had a new way of living for me where I needed to be
ready to minister healing to others. And that was a conversation that tipped
the scales.
I jumped.
I knew God had something special
planned for the women in this group I had formed. I didn’t believe it was an
accident, and I knew He wanted us to take all the good, hard things we had been
experiencing into the big, wide world. He wanted us to share our stories. He
told me to start a ministry based on this concept.
I had immediately connected with
a girl named Julie. I told her my vision, and I told her I wanted her by my
side. We spent several days thinking of a name, texting synonyms of great words
back and forth, and eventually, in joint effort, we stumbled upon it: Dauntless
Grace Ministries.
For a long time, perhaps months,
I followed His plan hesitantly. I never asked for my own ministry. I’m a
writer. I like to hang out behind the scenes. I like to support the dreams of
others. I never asked to lead something public.
But God asked me to. And He
planted a dream in me that I never knew I had.
Right now, Dauntless Grace is
still an infant. We are still figuring out where it’s going long-term and what
the best route is to get there. What we do know is that it will be sister organizations
with Shine Movement because the two ministries share a similar vision of
bringing God’s truth to the hearts of women and girls.
I have an amazing staff in place
to oversee a weekly blog, monthly newsletter, active accounts on Facebook and
Instagram (@dauntlessgraceministries), and even small home groups. I have
dreams of publishing curriculum, books, devotionals, and Bible studies. I have
a dream of a conference where we equip women with the tools for freedom and
healing. I have a dream of podcasts, videos, and other multimedia in order to
spread the message of truth to our culture.
What we are doing and what we
will do is only by the grace of God. We are looking to Him to direct the path
for this ministry because we are only in it for His glory.
As Jen Hatmaker put it: #the4500forLYFE!
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